You know what I am enjoying? The fact that I’ve lost 84 pounds as of today! Whoop whoop! I feel so much better than I used to. I love it. It’s so great. It’s kind of sad that not everyone can be happy for me though. That’s fine, though. I’m feeling good and that’s all that matters. :) Time to curl up in BED and go to sleeeeep. :)
I woke up today in suuuuuch a wonderful mood, which is pretty rare for me. Stepped on the scale this morning to see I have finally lost 75 pounds. And I am now in Onederland! ;D So, after I weighed, I made me a cup of coffee in my “Life is good” mug, which I thought was appropriate. I curled up with my heated blanket, a nice big mug of peppermint mocha, and my Lilypoo. It was soooo nice. I think I may do the same tomorrow morning. Today was such a good day. :)
And picturessss! Everyone else has said for weeks now that my face is getting smaller and I haven’t been able to see a difference, but I can really tell now. I neeeeed to get my before and after pictures uploaded. They’re awesome.
I pray that I can just roll over and die.
This pain is the single most excruciating thing I’ve ever been through in my whole life. I’m clearly not getting better. And I can’t take real pain meds because of my fucking liver. I’m miserable. I can’t sleep. I can’t have anything at all touching my legs. They feel like they’re on fire and my muscles are so tense that I can’t see straight.
So I sit and/or lay here. And just suffer. The lortab doesn’t help at all. I have to take such a low dosage, I might as well be taking Tylenol. I wanna be better. I wanna be normal. I really hate being this way.
And the fact that I have been labeled as permanently disabled just makes me feel even worse… :(
This is my third tattoo. Liz Reyes from Oddity in Main in Sarasota, Florida did a wonderful job. I got this tattoo after my great-grandmother Pearl passed away. She helped raise me and my sister, so she was an important part of my life. She had her garden and every year she would grow tulips. Each tulip is in different blooming stages to represent stages of life. The stargazer is my favorite flower. And the string of pearls not only represent her name but a reminder of how precious someone can be.
Today sucked. :(
I’m getting worse. And I don’t know why. :( I’m in so much pain. Just the pajama pants on my legs hurt. I can barely stand or walk today.
Thank God for my wonderful boyfriend. I’ve never cried in front of him until today. But he was so comforting and sweet to me. We both had shitty days, but when I told him how I was feeling, he completely stopped thinking about his bad day and put his arms around me and held me tight and comforted me.
I just wish he was still here with me. I really need him to just hold me until I fall asleep.
I guess I’m just feeling sorry for myself again. But this is really hard. :(
Here’s to a new year. And I was able to say goodbye to 2011 with the most wonderful boy in the world. <3 I have thoroughly enjoyed waking up to him and his wonderful kisses these past several days. He has been so helpful and so wonderful to me, especially while I’m trying to get better. I don’t know how I was so blessed to find someone as wonderful as Wes. When I rolled over this morning, he put his arms around me, smiled at me, and just held me as if he’d never let go. That’s when I realized just how in love with him I really am.
I do want to say that I am thankful for each and every experience I had in 2011. 2011 was a pretty rough year for me, but I see now that, without the hardships, I wouldn’t be where I am now. And I’m right where I need to be. Finally. Now I see the mistakes that I made, whether it was with a past relationship or friendship or simply a bad decision I made on my own. 2011 may have been a pretty shitty year, but it has definitely been the biggest learning experience of my life, by far.
While I have decided to make no New Years Resolution, I have decided to use the knowledge I’ve been given this past year in order to make better decisions in the years ahead of me. I’m ready for all the things that 2012 has to offer me. I’m ready to get better and be able to walk again. I’m ready to be able to water ski for the first time. For once in my life, I’m actually excited to go shopping for a bathing suit. I’m excited to start looking for a house. I’m ready to put on a size small. I’m ready to dance.
You never realize the things you take for granted until they are snatched away from you. However, I have also learned that I am strong. And I won’t let this disease steal my life away from me. Guillain Barre is just going to be a bump in the road.
At the close of the year, I have finally lost 70 pounds, which is way past goal for how far out of surgery I am. I like to think I’m kicking ass and taking names with this whole weight loss thing. :) It hasn’t been easy, but I feel like I’m finally going to get through it. I have no choice now, right? Maybe I’ll get around to posting some before and after pictures soon. :)
So bring it 2012. Let’s see what you’ve got. ;D
Desperate Housewives 2x09, “That’s Good, That’s Bad”
(Source: getuponthiscloud)
Via because i love you.
I love jellyfishes because they have no brains and they still survive. It’s a reminder that maybe sometimes I don’t have to think things so much that I do, and perhaps I could just go with the flow.
Made by Antti @ His Masters Tattoo, Mikkeli, Finland.
